Five Tricks for Healing Blame and Expanding Heart Consciousness
By Teri Harbour
It may be that we are all connected on a soul-level, but being in separate human bodies with our individual thoughts and perspectives causes an inevitable feeling of disconnect from time to time. For individual and community health, try these five tricks to stop blame and return to a sense of connection with those you love:
See your loved one as they were when they were a young child.
You can get back to a place of compassion by seeing your loved one as they were when they were a baby or young child. You can even keep baby photos or pictures of your loved ones from their childhoods on your desk or dresser. Seeing them as the innocent children they were brings us back to a place of tolerance and acceptance. When we look into the eyes of a young child, we instantly see the beauty and innocence of humans. We can connect to the soul – theirs and ours – by just looking into those eyes and finding that pure innocent source again.
Use your five senses to bring back a sense of connection.
Our bodies were designed to help our spiritual selves. When we engage our five senses, such as touching an interesting texture, looking at something fascinating, smelling something aromatic, listening to beautiful music or sounds of nature, or even tasting delicious foods or drinks, we instantly bring our awareness into the present moment and give our over-active brains a chance to relax. Our brains are designed to think, but sometimes they work way too hard. We don’t haveto have all the answers figured out! It’s really helpful to sometimes just put our problems aside for a while and get into a happy, fully-present space. That’s when new ideas and perspectives can enter. Magic happens. Next time you’re feeling stressed, take a few minutes and consciously choose not to think about the stressful situation. Do something else which engages your body such as putting on great music and dancing. Put all of your attention on physical sensations, hearing the music and just moving your body in whatever way it feels like moving. Really get into the experience of dancing. Completely engage your physical senses in the moment. Then flashes of insight about your situation can more easily enter your awareness and help you see it from a completely different perspective – one that you may not have considered. Besides when we move our bodies, we release endorphins that make us feel happy.
Reflection: the most important tool for adult transformation.
We don’t always take the time to go deep and examine where our thoughts or feelings are originating. You may think your loved one is purposefully hurting you, but that’s just your perception of their behavior. In reality, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t care about you. Underneath your thoughts are feelings. Maybe there’s a feeling of anger or sadness which then generates the thought that they don’t truly love you. It’s important to be able to examine the feelings that are driving certain thoughts and behaviors because then you can articulate your feelings with your loved ones rather than blame. When you share your feelings from a sincere place, people are usually more open to what you have to say. After all, they can’t dispute what you’re feeling.
Try on their shoes for size (and perspective).
It’s really helpful to try to see a situation from another person’s perspective. Try getting into their frame of mind, their “shoes” so to speak, and see if you can get a feel for what was going on with them when they did what they did. What was their thought process? What was happening in their lives at the time? Did their particular type of personality or upbringing play a part in their behavior? When you look at it completely from their point of view, you may not feel so angry. When you shift your perspective, it allows you to come from a more expanded, compassionate place.
Be thankful. Be tolerant.
My favorite mantra is, “Be thankful. Be tolerant.” When we’re focused on gratitude, we’re less stressed and more tolerant. Everyone on this planet has a divine purpose – we may not understand what it is, but we can trust that they do. And that should also help us be more compassionate and understanding of other people’s behaviors. The more tolerant we are, the more we expand our own hearts, which not only serves our own health, but the well-being of those around us as well.